I heard the loud thud of a body hitting the floor. I had handled his two trips to the ER like a trooper. I even packed food and drink for the second time. I did flip out a little when I found out he had fallen over face first into the dirt one day outside, but I figured he’d be ok.
But this was different. The thud and then the profound, horrible silence was too much for me. I ran into the bathroom to find my husband on his back on the file floor. He was alive, and despite me telling him not to move until I got help, he of course did exactly the opposite, claiming he wasn’t hurt. Then he got up and revised his assessment of the situation. He hurt his hip.
I just clung to him and started crying. Now, you probably don’t know that I rarely cry. First, it was because I stuffed my feelings, or rationalized them away for so many years, there was no reason to cry. Then, when I had received a large measure of healing, I had no need to cry. But this was anxiety-release crying – it just spurted out, without any deep emotion. I don’t know if it was relief that he was alive, or if it was a wake-up call that it could have been much worse. Either way, I was scared, and that’s when the anxiety started creeping back in.
Anxiety is really unbelief in God’s ability and willingness to take care of us. It starts out like a little pinhole that allows a trickle of nervousness and doubt to start flowing. It’s so small, you don’t even realize it is there. It increases so slowly that you don’t realize you could drown until it reaches panic inducing heights. Only then do we wonder how we even got here and what to do. What happened to my peace?
If you remember that PEACE is a FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT, it becomes clearer. Peace cannot be manufactured, nor can it be lost like a locket hanging around our neck. It must be borne. We BEAR fruit, we can’t create it. Peace blooms only as the Life flows through the Vine and we remain grafted into that vine. Therefore, the question should not be “what happened to my peace?” but more accurately, “when did I separate myself from the PRINCE OF PEACE and try to handle or figure out things on my own?”
I’m going to tell you exactly how real grafting works with grape vines. Both the receiving and grafted vines must be cut, with the grafted piece tailored to fit into the receiving vine. Both vines have arteries through which their life-giving sap flows. The most crucial issue is that the grafted bloom’s arteries must be perfectly lined up with and in permanent contact with the vine‘s arteries so there is a continual, uninterrupted flow of the sap from vine to graft. Then they use a compound or tape to keep them bound and packed together so no infection can seep in through separation.
Jesus is the Vine, we are the branches, and I believe that the compound that keeps us bound together is faith in His Word. Faith allows us to say that we KNOW who we have believed and are persuaded that He is able to keep everything we have ever committed to Him until we arrive in Heaven. But faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. The Holy Spirit can quicken and speak to our spirits what the Father wants us to know as we read those God-breathed scriptures. He can direct and guide us into all truth in the midst of any situation, reminding us of the faithfulness and power of our God.
So if we are anxious, it means that we have lost our tight connection with the Vine – the packing has come loose. When there is a gap, infection can find a way in and make us sick. Instead of nestling closer to the vine, we start falling away and living apart from the Vine, but apart from Him we can do nothing – nothing but be anxious.
Isaiah 30 says:
15 This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance/returning and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
16 You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’
Therefore you will flee!
You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’
Therefore your pursuers will be swift!
17 A thousand will flee
at the threat of one;
at the threat of five
you will all flee away,
till you are left
like a flagstaff on a mountaintop,
like a banner on a hill.”
You see, our immediate knee-jerk response to danger and fear and anxiety is to flee to our own devices, to what we think will rescue us, NOT to God Himself. But we must repent of trying to fix things our own way return to Him and quietly wait for Him, which means trusting and resting in Him. The only true remedy for anxiety is resting in faith in Him, and that only happens when you bolster your faith through the Word of God.
I know that some of you struggle with reading the Word right now because your faith is not as strong as it once was, and the lethargy of your emotional issues has drained you of the energy to even try. But you must remain in permanent contact with the Vine, and that means being bound to Him through His Word. You can start small with just a few scriptures a day. Sign up for a scripture a day service, or you can use my Jesus Text Me service/app.
Every counseling technique is only good if it leads you back to the Source of Peace. If you are not securely bound to Him, no techniques or medications will cure you. If you haven’t read my CRAZIFIED & OUT OF CONTROL ebook, or haven’t been using the ABC method, then I suggest you read and start practicing it. It is what I used to stop the anxiety in its tracks, and what allowed me to return to my Daddy’s lap in quietness and trust.
Fortunately for all of us, Isaiah doesn’t stop there.
18 Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!
The Lord wants to be gracious and compassionate to you. He wants to fill you with His supernatural power and with His loving kindness. He doesn’t expect you to do anything to earn it either. He just wants you to return to Him in trust and wait for Him to take care of all the situations that you can’t fix anyway.
Your sister in Christ,