I help Christians heal from the pain of their past so they can live in peace and joy in the present. › Forums › Introduction to Life Patterns › Lesson 3 – Life Pattern Meanings
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October 19, 2017 at 10:06 am #8292pennyshaynesKeymaster
Enter your RESET ASSIGNMENT answers below.
October 27, 2017 at 7:12 pm #8471amgillmanParticipant1. You can’t depend on anyone but yourself.
2. The most recent example was when I moved out of mine and my husband’s home. I moved in with my step mom and step sisters thinking that is where I would have the most emotional support. I wasn’t looking for financial support but merely a place to live and someone to talk to. I came to realize everyone was preoccupied with their own individual lives and I was alone in my depression.
3. I believe that no one on earth can be fully depended on but I’m trying to realize that God never left me and He cared.
October 29, 2017 at 9:22 pm #8479pennyshaynesKeymasterAlyssa, the 3rd question in the RESET assignment is the following. Let me know your answer to this:
Are you absolutely sure that the meaning you derived from that event was accurate and realistic?Alyssa, you say that everyone was preoccupied with their own individual lives and that it left you alone in your depression.
Is it wrong or unusual for people to be preoccupied with their own individual lives?
What were you expecting them to do for you?
Why?
Was that a realistic expectation of them?
October 29, 2017 at 11:15 pm #8484amgillmanParticipantI don’t think it was anyone’s responsibility to be there for me emotionally. I constantly go through life searching for the feeling of real family since I never had it. In my mind, that’s what family is for..to be there for you in hard times. So I’ve been dissapointed but I don’t expect it. I just hoped for it.
Even though I had no real expectations from them I feel like it was a realistic expectation of how a family structure should be, especially a family that’s living under one roof.
October 30, 2017 at 11:39 am #8487pennyshaynesKeymasterOK. I want you to re-read what you wrote to me and see if you have any conflicting thoughts there. Look at your statements about expectation.
Ask yourself what you REALLY expected from them. You can’t have disappointment if you don’t expect or hope for something. The problem occurs when your expectations are unrealistic, based on what you wish was true, not based on your experience of how things really are.
You say you expect a family living under one roof to act that way, which describes your living arrangement. But your family doesn’t act that way. From everything else you have shared, they have never been that way for you. So what is different now that you would even hope for them to be that way today?
My job in this forum is to help you get clarity on what you are thinking and saying, because we don’t always see it. It gets jumbled up in our minds.
I would love for you to take my course on Disappointment, because I deal exactly with those thoughts you are struggling with in detail to help you think these things through.
October 29, 2022 at 11:16 am #49509Sara SydnamParticipantThe last confrontation didn’t go the way I hoped.I didn’t feel it was resolved in my end. Rather than push my wants I agreed and felt resentful. I wanted to talk to my husband how I felt that I took third place to his work and watching nightly discussions for several hours about conspiracy theories. In the past I listened with him, not sure how I felt. He believes strongly that our nation is under severe threat so it is important to him. Unless I go to his workshop – he will turn broadcasts off and we can sit and talk and time over dinner. This is usually 7 days a week
I don’t like confrontation so I felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to insist. It was too important to leave it be so we talked. He explained how importait was to him and that it was important for the future
I felt uncomfortable initiating it and during it. I know how he feels, but our whole marriage has changed and I really don’t know what to believe. I felt heard and we agreed to take 4 days off for our wedding anniversary
I felt anxious in my stomach and frustrated and lonely.October 29, 2022 at 1:37 pm #49513pennyshaynesKeymasterSara, it is completely normal to feel uncomfortable initiating change in your relationship if you are not used to doing it. Changing any lifelong habit will feel uncomfortable. The question is whether or not you are willing to endure feeling uncomfortable in order to make changes in yourself and your marriage.
What specifically do you want from your husband? Tell me what it would look like.
October 29, 2022 at 3:52 pm #49524Sara SydnamParticipantWhen we first met he said that he wanted to be married to his best friend.
I would like to get back to being friends and doing things together, date night going for walks. Being lovey dovey to me the way he is to the cat!!!
We have been married 10 years and I feel like a room mate rather than cherished. His love language is doing things for me but mine is touch and words of affirmation.
I don’t know how to have/be fun anymore. -
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