Step Study saved my life. There is no other way to put it. I have been in a Step Study every year since I started attending CR in August 2011. I only miss CR (Large Group or Step Study) if I am deathly ill. It is like chemo to my emotional cancer – I NEED IT.
Step Study is one of the reasons I created this site. I know there are a lot of women who would benefit from it, but may not have a Step Study local to them when they want to start one. It lasts for approximately 9 months, and gives you the opportunity to actively participate in your recovery over a long period of time with other women who will encourage you and hold you accountable. It is a little bit like a long term bible study, but this is focused solely on you, how you feel, what you think, and what you have experienced.
Step Study has 4 booklets that cover the 12-Steps and 8 Principles. These are the same 25 lessons used in Large Group, but these booklets allow you to go deeper and apply them specifically to your own life at a slower pace. The questions are completely subjective; there is no right or wrong. Even if you don’t understand the question the way the others do, the Holy Spirit will use whatever answer you provide to still reveal yourself to you.
The questions are designed to let you get to know yourself and the other members of your group at an easy pace. You share as much as you are able to at that time. For those who aren’t used to sharing, I ask them to push themselves a little more into their uncomfortable zone. For those who have a tendency to overshare, I ask them to reel it in a little and save the very detailed items until the group has had time to get better acquainted.
I do Step Study a little differently. Before we actually start, we have a “dump” session. I have found that people who are coming to group at the end of the day have probably dealt with a ton of distracting issues, and I want them to be able to focus. I ask if there is anything anyone is feeling or thinking that will distract them from the study, and if so, to dump it now so they can focus better. I have found that it really helps keep the study on track once we officially start for the evening.
The nice thing about Step Study is that we aren’t on any external schedule. We move at our own pace, and there are some lessons that will take longer because they involve more detailed responses. Additionally, over a 9 month period, you can be sure that there will be evenings when one person will become the main focus due to an urgent issue with which they are dealing. It is never a problem, though, because everyone has their turn at some point.
Every group is different, depending on the seriousness of the participants toward their healing. Not everyone is really ready, so they will start, but then find reasons for not continuing. There is no condemnation for those ladies – if you aren’t ready or willing to pursue your healing, it’s best for you to step back and allow the other women to move forward. They can always try again at a later date with another group when they are ready.
Also, there will be differing levels of brokenness. Some people have been working on their issues, and some are just raw and this is their first experience dealing with things. Some people will share absolutely everything, no matter how intimate, while others will be more reserved.
This is to be expected, and it is important for all participants not to fall into one of the most deadly traps – saying (to yourself or someone else), “Well, that’s not how I would deal with that!”. Everyone handles things and interacts differently, and you have to give them the leeway to do things in their own way. Not to mention, the more broken a person is, and the newer they are to recovery, the harder it will be for them to deal with these raw emotions. And you know that people are never at their best when stressed out from their emotions. You need to have as much mercy toward the others as you would want them to have toward you if you didn’t handle something well.
Then, of course, are the personality differences. There are going to be some people that might get on your nerves. You’re going to have to get over it. Everyone in the group doesn’t have to become your best friend. They are just a companion on your journey.
If you are fortunate, however, you will acquire some close friends from group, at least for the season when you spend a lot of time together. However, friendships don’t necessarily stay that close after group ends, when the people no longer spend several hours together every week. Don’t get disappointed if that happens – it is all par for the course. Join another group, make more friends.
Now, to be honest, when I started Step Study, it was because my husband was asked to start it at the church we were attending at that time. I was so deep in depression, I can’t imagine I was any good at it. The worst part was that I believed God could heal absolutely everyone else – except me. My depression was a bottomless pit that even God couldn’t pull me out of.
Luckily, that wasn’t the case. The one thing that God accomplished during my first step study was cracking the hard shell of depression that surrounded me and releasing me back into the land of the living. After being in Step Study for a while and working through the questions, I remember being at a woman’s conference. During the intermission, God had brought to my mind my lifelong questions about why my childhood had been so horrible, why I had not had any friends. Why was I an outcast then, and still felt in my heart that I was now and would always be an outcast? What was wrong with me?
Then He told me to pull out my phone and Google “Aspergers”. I didn’t really know much about it, but I looked it up. It described my childhood EXACTLY. Actually, it also described my son’s childhood exactly – which had always killed me, because the one thing I wanted for my children was to never experience the isolation, bullying and lack of social interaction I had gone through. But just finding out that we had Aspergers explained EVERYTHING.
There wasn’t just something inexplicably and terminally “wrong” with me – I and my son were just different. Like other Aspies, our lack of innate social abilities explained why we couldn’t make friends and we acted like we did. And at that moment, a huge chunk of my heart was healed and my mind was set at ease. There was a REASON for my childhood, and an unknown that had been tormenting me for my entire life was removed. The depression lifted because God had slowly been preparing my heart through Step Study, so when I was ready to receive it, He could reveal this to me.
So do your best to get into a local Step Study. If you can’t find one, go to our forum and let us know you want to be a part of an online group. As we gather enough participants and leaders, we will put one together for you.
RESET ASSIGNMENT:
- Look for a local Step Study in your area. If not, then click on the above link to request an online group.
- Ask yourself if you are really ready to delve into your hurts, habits and hang-ups. Pray and ask God to show you what He wants you to face, and as Him for the strength to follow through.