I am a very conscientious worker. Whoever I work for, their company becomes my company. Their praise is my praise. Their criticism is my criticism.

This can be a very good thing when it spurs you on toward making a positive difference in the company.  This can also be a very bad thing when we start taking everything about the business personally, from people insinuating that one of the employees might be lying, to people not honoring their contracts and cheating the company out of payment.  When you start believing that they are calling you a liar, or cheating you out of money, it is time to take a step back.

When people discuss healthy boundaries, they are normally discussing the appropriate sphere of influence and involvement one person has in the life of another.  People who do not protect their boundaries allow others to have too much control over their life, and always come to resent those who cross what boundaries they do have.  You normally think of it as one person getting too involved in and often trying to manipulate someone else’s life.

But sometimes boundary issues arise simply out of mistaken identity, meaning Person A believes that what happens to Person B is a reflection on herself, as if Person B is a part of her.   The other person (or entity) has somehow become a part of that person’s identity, integral in some way to their significance.

It happens in families, with parents wanting their children to succeed and not embarrass them by bad or unsuccessful behavior, because it will reflect badly on themselves.  It happens in co-dependent relationships, where one partner is negatively affected by the other partner’s actions, and therefore tries to protect herself by manipulating her partner.  It happens when grown men get depressed or angry because their sports team lost a game.

Another reason why people try to take ownership of other people’s problems is because they project their own fears and concerns onto someone else.  I think this covers my over involvement with my company.  When I think that the company is being cheated, it brings up fears of being personally cheated.  When they call someone a liar, I feel the horror of being personally accused of dishonesty.  When Person A sees Person B struggling with fear, it triggers their own feelings of fear, and so they try to fix whatever Person B is afraid of, somehow thinking it will allay their own fears.

But none of it is REAL.  None of it.  Yet we respond to it as if it is really our problem.

When you are experiencing out of control emotions, the first thing to ask yourself is, “Is anything in MY world really wrong?”  Most of the time, the answer will be “No”.  Stopping to examine the reality of the situation will interrupt your panicked stream of consciousness thinking.  Only then can you accurately respond to what is actually happening.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Ask God to show you if you are too involved in the welfare of someone or something else.   Check yourself throughout the day for signs that you are overly affected by what happens to someone else.  Each day has enough trouble of its own; don’t take on someone else’s trouble as well.