I counsel with people all the time, all throughout the day and the evening. I want everyone to experience the peace and contentment and freedom to live righteously that I now have on a daily basis. However, I am painfully aware of the fact that many people simply will not be healed because they will not stick with the process on a daily basis and apply every day what they have learned.

I repeatedly see women come to me in tears, their lives and emotions are out of control. We sit down and they talk. I write out what they say, show it to them, they have an “aha” moment and their countenance changes.  They feel different, they look different, and at that moment, I am looking at a mature, confident woman who knows what is going on in and around her. We discuss the importance of writing down what you have learned and repeating it to yourself on a regular basis.  They nod in agreement.

Then I don’t hear from them or see them for several days or weeks or months or years.  The next time I see them, they are in tears, dealing with uncontrollable emotions, and they have completely forgotten what they learned in that session. I can lead them to the water, but I cannot make them keep drinking.

The truth is that the “aha” moment felt good momentarily, but then the reality set in that this reality feels “different”, uncomfortable.  On an unconscious level, they know this will require an entirely new way of relating to the world and the people in their lives. They don’t really like that prospect.

Yes, they wanted freedom, but they thought it would lead only to peace and joy.  They didn’t plan on the uncomfortable feelings they would have to push through as they build a new Life Pattern and practice it until it feels normal.  So they find some way to go right back to where they were before, where it may be painful, but they know how to deal with it. They have decades of experience at it.

Although this breaks my heart, I have learned something very important from it.  I can’t help anyone who is not willing to put their hand to the plow and not look back. When the healing gets tough, the tough push through to get their healing. But it is not for the faint of heart. I can’t make someone want to be healed and want to push through the discomfort that comes with healing.

I also say this for those of you who are invested in the healing of someone else (I mean for you co-dependents).  No one can make that person you love do anything about their healing.  You can talk till you are blue in the face, and spend money on rehab until you are broke, but if they don’t want it, you can’t make them buy it.

Breaking Life Patterns is hard, and not everyone is up to doing it. It is not about having “aha” moments, but continually applying to your life what you have learned in those moments.  If you refuse to do that, if you return to automatic pilot, you will lose the knowledge you had, and that freshly plowed field with the newly strewn seed left unattended will yield nothing but thorns and weeds.

I went past the field of a sluggard,
    past the vineyard of someone who has no sense;
 thorns had come up everywhere,
    the ground was covered with weeds,
    and the stone wall was in ruins.
 I applied my heart to what I observed
    and learned a lesson from what I saw:
 A little sleep, a little slumber,
    a little folding of the hands to rest—
 and poverty will come on you like a thief
    and scarcity like an armed man.

Proverbs 24:30-34