There are five (5) basic steps to resetting your Life Patterns using the acronym RESET.
- R – Recognize/Realize
- E – Examine/Exercise
- S – Seek/Search/Study/Step Back/Spell Out
- E – Explain/Elaborate/ECHO/Embrace
- T – Test/Taper/Tell
The final part of the process is to put your new understanding to the test. In a relatively controlled environment, you will see how you respond to situations that historically have triggered an inappropriate emotional response connected to a previous life event. You are looking to see if your new narrative has become an integral part of you by now, and if it now allows you to respond in the Spirit instead of the flesh.
Before you rewrote your narrative, your goal was to eliminate the feelings of stress you experienced; now your goal is to problem solve the current life event that is causing the feelings of stress. Hopefully, you are not triggered at all because the Holy Spirit has revealed to you the truth of the situation in the previous step. However, if you are experiencing exaggerated emotional or physical symptoms, you know how to taper your breathing to create the optimal stress level to restore logical thinking.
Before entering the situation, first pray and ask the Holy Spirit for the ability to remember the truths He has shown you, and to give you the supernatural ability to act according to the Spirit. Tell yourself the new narrative of what happened, including the new meaning for your life. If you have created a specific plan for dealing with this type of situation, implement the steps of your plan to solve the actual problem you are facing. If you haven’t pre-planned, then do your best to problem solve whatever you are facing to the best of your ability with the resources you have present, specifically the Holy Spirit. Then, when you aren’t under the gun, you will sit down and prayerfully work out a plan for future reference.
Then, you need to do something very important. Congratulate yourself! Encourage yourself by telling yourself that you did a great job. Reward yourself in some way, possibly by sharing your success with your group by a quick text or post on the forum, or treat yourself to something healthy. Tell yourself that you are good, you handled it much better than in your past, that you are progressing, and anything that did not turn out completely satisfactorily is just a matter of plan adjustment and implementation. (Remember to address yourself by name.)
I used to chase my husband around the house, trying to understand why he was so upset with me. What could I have possibly done to make him so upset that he would try to get away from me? By pursuing him, it would make his stress even greater, since his way of dealing with stress was to remove himself from me. But by running away from me and not giving me an answer to what I had done to cause his anger, it increased my stress, and made me pursue him that much more doggedly. (I needed to know what I did wrong so I could change my actions and make him like me again. If I didn’t know what I did, I couldn’t manipulate or control his actions by changing mine, and it brought out panic in me.)
When I finally understood that, even if my husband thought I was the cause of his stress, that I truly was not the cause of his stress, I stopped chasing him around the house. I let him go and lick his wounds and go to his safe place until his elevated stress came down. I made a plan to let him deal with his own stress reactions in his own way and location.
I determined that I would not worry about having done something to make him upset unless he came to me calmly to discuss it and gave me a chance to right what I had done. I would take care of me and let him take care of him. My narrative changed, I created a plan to deal with future occurrences when my husband would appear to be upset, I stuck to the plan, and his stress no longer causes me stress. I would celebrate afterward by allowing myself to watch one of my favorite shows.
RESET ASSIGNMENT:
- What is a stress inducing situation that repeats itself in your life about which you imagine handling it better? Have you written out a plan for solving the problem? Have you attempted to implement it?
- Do you encourage yourself when you do something right? Do you celebrate the small steps in your recovery process? What is a healthy treat you can give yourself as a reward for progress toward your healing?