I help Christians heal from the pain of their past so they can live in peace and joy in the present. › Forums › Introduction to Life Patterns › Lesson 2 – Life Pattern Beliefs
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October 19, 2017 at 10:06 am #8293pennyshaynesKeymaster
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October 24, 2017 at 9:15 pm #8420amgillmanParticipant1. My name is Alyssa. I’m 28 and recently became a first time mom to my son Aiden. My dad was in the military, so growing up, I had to move about every 2-3 years. Because I was always the “new girl” in school I became very shy and socially awkward. I coped by diving into my schoolwork and was always a straight A student. My parents both have personality disorders and my environment was always chaos. So as soon as I turned 18 I went off to college to “get away from it all”. I ended up excelling, making tons of friends, did very well in school, and became very outgoing. It was a huge accomplishment stepping outside my comfort zone and I felt very proud. After I graduated my life took a turn for the worse. I realized I had no real family and I no longer had school to distract me from that harsh reality. I was missing real meaning in my life and real relationships. It was during this season in my life that I began having horrible flashbacks of my childhood and ended up finding God at the same time. I married the first Christian man I met after that and jumped into a marriage way too quickly trying to desperately form my own family like I had always wanted. 7 months into the marriage I found out my husband had been unfaithful the entire time. A couple months after this I also found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy was perhaps the loneliest period of my life but I grew so close to God. Today I can confidently say I’m standing in God’s will. I may be depressed and having a hard time coping with my divorce but my life now has true meaning and I’m beginning to learn who I am in Christ.
2. I believe I became independent and outgoing because they were survival skills I had to develop. I had to cope with living life on my own with no real support and no family to guide me through my adulthood. College shaped me the most. I joined a pre-health academic sorority and became the academic chair. This pushed me outside my comfort zone and really changed my personality. I finally started to become who I always wanted to be. When I found God I changed even more drastically and I really like the person I’m becoming even more so today.
3. It’s very possible. My childhood was so traumatic and I know for a fact that I have filled in a lot of blanks. Lately God has been revealing some of those to me and showing me how my childhood shaped me and caused me to have a broken personality.
October 24, 2017 at 11:09 pm #8423pennyshaynesKeymasterGreat, thorough answer, Alyssa. Tell me why you say you have a broken personality, though. What exactly is “broken” and why is it “broken”? What would it look like if it was not “broken”?
October 29, 2022 at 11:56 am #49510Sara SydnamParticipant1 I realise that avoidance became a pattern. As a young child I had a lot of anxiety. I am not sure if the root, but there was a low of anxiety and shame when I couldn’t concentrate in class because I was anxious and didn’t do well. I would procrastinate about studying and tests and wouldn’t do week further creating anxiety.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to or help me as a young child and the pattern continued. Thinking I was stupid. Later in my 49’s I went back to school and discovered I was bright and did well academically.2 This started from the age of 8
I actually did ok till about 10 passing the English 11+ an entry exam for grammar school but after that I believed I couldn’t learn things.3 I was trying to avoid further pain of failure or put it off. Of being a disappointment to my family.
October 29, 2022 at 1:31 pm #49512pennyshaynesKeymasterSara, great work. When we identify the “decision” (truth we believe, moral of the story), we can evaluate it and see if that “truth” is actually true and applicable at this point in our lives. I believe you disproved this “truth” that you were stupid in your late 40s. The question is whether or not you purposely and pointedly made a new decision that you are bright and intelligent.
That’s also good that you recognize the connection between failure and emotional pain experienced in your past. Now the question to ask yourself is whether or not failure MUST result in emotional pain. We are adults now, and most of us do not have parents or teachers who are actively berating us and pointing out our failures (unless we marry someone who did what our parents or teachers did to continue experiencing what we did as a child). With our life experience, adults know that failure is not the end (or we would have ceased to have lived!), but a way to learn and become smarter, stronger, healthier – IF we will pay attention to what caused what we believe is failure and do things DIFFERENTLY in the future. Is it ok, will life continue and still have the possibilities for peace and joy in the future, if we fail in some way? In my experience, and I have failed fabulously throughout my life in many ways, I have realized it is just a mandatory requirement in life (since we don’t know everything), and it will neither kill me nor destroy my future. It is just uncomfortable.
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