Many of us do this. We tell God what our plans are, and then ask Him to rubber stamp them for approval.  But that is not how God works.  He is not supposed to be our co-pilot, He is supposed to be our pilot.  We are not supposed to make our plans and ask God to fit into them, we are to ask God what His plans are and ask Him to show us how He wants us to fit into them.

I do this repeatedly, make my own agenda, set up my own timeline, and then stress myself out when I can’t meet my timeline.  Now, you have to understand, God hasn’t told me I have to do it this way, it is just a left over self-sufficiency habit.   The worst part is that I can hear God quietly telling me, “That’s not on my agenda for you today.”

However, I just keep doing it because… well, just because.  But He is making it clear that by ignoring Him and doing things my way, I am causing myself sleepless nights and stress that keep me exhausted.   He didn’t intend me to live like this; He intended me to listen and obey, leaving all of the heavy lifting and big time responsibilities to my Father.  He intended me to live in righteousness, joy and peace in the Holy Ghost, not disobedience, struggle and stress.  So why do I continue this way?

Because I’m stubborn and headstrong and prideful and sometimes very lazy.  The bottom line is that I keep doing what I have planned because THAT is what I really want to do (it’s more fun or entertaining or enjoyable). What God wants me to do isn’t nearly as important to me as enjoying myself or accomplishing a task.  This is really gut wrenching for me to see in myself.

He said to me something that I am ashamed to repeat, but I’ll do it because I’m trusting that it will also speak to someone else reading this.   He said, “Is what you are doing more important than that person I have put on your heart to counsel?  My agenda will prepare you for counseling a very traumatized person right now, and many more like them later.  Why will you not yield your agenda to Mine?”   And you know what, I didn’t.  I kept doing the tasks to complete my agenda instead of doing what He said.  And I’m very ashamed of that.

Stress happens when we push God out of the throne and decide to take up residence there.  We think we know best, or maybe we are just selfish and want to do our own thing.  But we cannot and will not accomplish anything of any significance without God’s direction and power.  I truly feel that I have wasted so much time building sandcastles when God wanted me to do battle with the enemy and help rescue a wounded fellow soldier.

So today, I surrender – again.  It is a continual, moment by moment, day by day re-commitment to God. No more doing those other tasks unless it is God’s will and not mine. Busy-ness so easily gets in the way of obedience.  What is best gets left behind for what is merely good.  I repent for putting myself and my desires first, and am making a u-turn back to my Father.

It is not enough to have good intentions, because obedience is always better than sacrifice (1 Sam 15:22).  I want to have my mind transformed so I truly know and follow God’s good and perfect and pleasing will (Romans 12:2), and just as importantly, have the supernatural power to accomplish what is His will for me (Phil 2:13).

Your sister in Christ,

Penny