What I Learned This Week: Comparisonitis (Comparing Yourself To Others)

I didn’t realize how bad I had this affliction, this addiction, called Comparisonitis.  I am continually comparing myself, sometimes subconsciously, and sometimes very consciously, with other people around me.  One minute I think I’m fine, I like myself, I’m good enough – and then BAM, I see someone else and feel inferior!

I walk into a room and immediately ask myself, “Am I bigger than her?  Smaller than her?”  I hear women in other ministries or businesses talk and I wonder “Will I ever be as successful as they are?”  I see other women and how popular and loved they are and think, “I’ll never be like that – it comes so naturally to them.  Compared to them, people obviously don’t like me.”

These thoughts in my head are endless, excruciatingly painful, and utterly useless!  God whispers to me, “But I didn’t make you to be like your sister.  I made you specifically for my own pleasure and my own purpose.  She can’t be and do what I created you to be and do, and vice versa.   I love you both equally just as you are.”

And yet, that makes absolutely NO difference to me.  I’m just being honest.  Yeah, so what if God loves me just as much as that gorgeous, thin blond with the perfect face and has a successful business or ministry?  That just doesn’t make me FEEL any better at all.  Why???

Because of my dependence on the approval of other PEOPLE, not on God.  I was taught that my appearance must be acceptable to other PEOPLE, and that other PEOPLE must deem me a social and financial success in order to be valuable.  If a HUMAN MALE doesn’t want me, isn’t attracted to me, I am worthless. (I know I’m not the only one who has these thoughts.)  I am still an addict, in my core, to social opinion about me because I never knew there was another measuring stick to be used.

When I was in elementary school, they were threatening to change over to the metric system.  All of us who were used to inches and feet were going to have to endure trying to figure out metres and litres.  We were going to have to learn an entirely DIFFERENT way of measuring everything, and we were (and to this day, still are) completely resistant to that.  We are used to measuring everything the way we always have, and God help anyone who tries to change that.

It is the same way with how we measure ourselves.  We have only known comparison to other people, pleasing other people for approval, trying to be good enough to earn love and acceptance.  It’s like we were kidnapped as a child and lived in a Cult called “Society” and were brainwashed to believe you had to earn your worth. Then God rescued us by paying a great ransom for us and said, ‘No, no – you’ve got this all wrong.  That is NOT how you get your value, nor who you get it from. I am your Parent, and I love and accept you just as you are.’  It just FEELS all wrong, and not real at all.

In the Kingdom of God, our worth comes from our Father‘s valuation of us.  And He values us for this reason only – He created us for Himself and He loves the creation He made.   Whether we ever DO anything or not for Him is completely irrelevant.

Scripture says that God has compassion on us, and that word actually means the feelings a mother has for her unborn child.  A child in the womb cannot do anything to earn love, not actions or appearance – it is loved simply because it belongs to and is a part of the mother.

We belong to and are a part of our Father in Heaven.  We are His adored daughters, so we are Princesses.  And if that wasn’t enough reason to feel valued, we are actually engaged to the man of our dreams – Jesus – who has loved us enough to give up His life for us.  We are flawless in His eyes.  THIS is the true and accurate picture of who we are.

For us to ever feel “good enough”, worthwhile, valued and lovable, we will have to make a concerted effort to CHANGE OUR MEASURING STICK.  You say, “But what people think about me is important.”   From a societal standpoint, yes, but God’s valuation of you must always supersede any and everyone else’s valuation.  You may not realize it yet, but you CAN and MUST CHOOSE whose valuation you will allow to determine your worth.

This will not be a one time decision, just as trusting Him for provision is not a one time thing.  It is a Kingdom Principle that we have to learn, and in order for it to burn new pathways in our brains, we will have to ACT on it repeatedly.  Notice, I said repeatedly, not perfectly, because we will never get this 100% right.  But we have to make the effort to remind ourselves every day about the source of our value until any other valuation of us feels wrong.

I challenge you to write out a note to yourself and post it on your bathroom mirror, on your car’s dashboard, on your computer monitor – anywhere that you will see it.  It should say something like this:

I choose to believe God’s valuation of me over society’s.  I am an adored, lovable, valuable and irreplaceable royal princess who is loved by the Prince of the Kingdom. NOTHING I DO (or not do) can ever change that.

You are not alone – we can walk together on this journey of discovering and believing our value.  We don’t have to be threatened by the existence of other Princesses, because our Father has more than enough love to go around for all of His unique little girls.

Your sister in Christ,